Here Comes the Dreamer….

Our God is big, so strong, and mighty! If we truly believe that then why do many of us shrink ourselves so much. Whether it be intentionally or unintentionally, I know that is not how God wants us to live our lives. This is not a call to be arrogant but to gain hold of a Godly confidence that should be consistent in our walk. I have fallen short in this area. I often find myself frustrated because I have minimized myself for so long, I don’t know how to show up when it matters anymore. What use to come natural for me is now a struggle, I don’t raise my hand to answer questions, I am having to learn my capabilities over again. In places I flourished it now looks like I have no idea what I am doing. That’s my fault because I let people project their insecurities on to me. I am so worried about criticism from naysayers. I hate when people say “I’m doing the most”. I’m not by myself in this I have seen my peers, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and family fail to live up to their potential because of people. As cliche as it may sound but it is true that you can’t take everyone with you when you are shifting into a new place in your life. You can’t grow if you have friends but unequally yoked in faith. Growing up I used all my talents and gifts gladly and I was not afraid to tell you who I was. I knew I was intelligent so I was the first to raise my hand, I could sing and loved to sing and would volunteer to sing wherever I was needed, I have deep understanding for the Word of God and I loved to speak about it, the list goes on and many of these things are so foreign to me. After a while I noticed that zeal actually got on people’s nerves and I’m not sure if I was supposed to peep that but I did and now I’m here. I often heard, “give someone else a chance to answer”, “we already know who won”, “you never pick anyone else but her”. I have never liked attention so my intent was not to show off I was just proud of who I was and always being called on was affirming for me. Unfortunately, in order to fit in I didn’t raise my hand as much, I didn’t put forth my best effort, I made excuses not to sing. I remember I didn’t celebrate achieving my Master’s degree no graduation walk or party because I didn’t want to appear too showy. I became unavailable and consequently that has become a part of who I am.  There are dreams that I have had that have not been accomplished not because of the lack of opportunity but the fear of criticism. I’m not trying to hear “it don’t take all that” or I’m doing too much so I just chill. I have seen people that have amazing gifts just sit on them and I’m like that are you doing? I’m trying my best to encourage others while I too are in the same position.

How do I now get back to the ambitious gifted dreamer I once was? Prayer, consecration, and studying who the Bible says I am is all I needed.  I have been seeking validation from the One who made me. Once you get a deep rooted understanding of who God is then you start to understand yourself more. Then you can get to the point where you no longer apologize for the gifts and favor God has given you. This is not of our own doing He gave me the gifts and we can’t try to appease the people who aren’t using theirs. A few months ago I was so irritated and frustrated and I just started reading (in place of violence) and I read over Joseph’s story in Genesis. Joseph had favor and God had given him prophetic dreams and out of awe and excitement Joseph made the mistake of telling his family about his dreams. The context of the dream that really set them off was Joseph eventually gaining some type of authority and his family had to submit to him. This got on his family’s nerves of course and one time as Joseph was approaching one of his brothers said, Here comes the dreamer”. This statment stood out to me; and I thought is this what people thought about me? I wasn’t sold into slavery like Joseph but the silencing of my identity feels like bondage. I am grieving the time I wasted, where I could have been, the people I could have helped, the visions I haven’t birthed, the place in God I could have been if I would have just focused on God getting the glory rather than coddling other peoples shortcomings.

God wants us to be great in Him. He makes us who we are to be used for His glory. What people don’t talk about enough is that some of us are just MORE ambitious and are not constrained to common. There are some people that are fine with being average, content with following what is seen as normal, and are not really looking to grow. That’s not me I’m going to try to level up everyday, I’m seeking God every single day, I’m reading the books, I’m building a team of mentors, I want to do EVERYTHING I have ever wanted to do.. The crazy thing is, it’s because I want to give more. I have never chased popularity, I joke all the time that being a millionaire sounds like a lot of work, I simply want to provide resources to people who need them. I hope anyone who is reading this makes an effort to do more, use your gifts, do what God has called you to do. I love seeing people live out their passions it really encourages me. I would never make someone feel small to make myself appear big. Don’t be like me and if it’s already been done then get in your Word and talk to your maker. God is faithful and He restores. He will guide us, open doors, equip us of everything we need to carry out His will. We can no longer accept doing the most as a critique from people that are simply not doing enough.