Things I learned in my 20’s That I Now Live By
(in no particular order)
God is EVERYTHING
If I was not raised being taught Holiness is Right, I have no clue where I would be. I have an idea of where I could be and the thought of it actually mortifies me. Throughout my life, the saints would come to me and tell me that the Lord has his hands on me, and this did not resonate with me until I became older. Grace and mercy are two things I wake up with that I don’t deserve. Everyday I fall short but every day I thank God for not forsaking me. Now I teach my son the importance of prayer and reading his Bible. I have tried resolve to my problems on my own and the only thing that worked consistently was prayer. My belief in God is not taught, I can just say that HE works when nothing else does.
I’m happy I had a boy
I have always wanted to raise a boy. I like “typical” boy things. I’m very feminine but I enjoy video games, sports, and I know too much about Marvel and DC comics. However, I wanted to raise a boy because I saw the relationship my brother and my Mother and it’s adorable. I have that same relationship with my son. He calls me dude, but he throws in a yes ma’am and no ma’am in there for a little razzle-dazzle for me. Plus my mouth has always got me in trouble. I thought it was just a girl thing so I did not want the karma of having a girl, I was wrong. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! (I'll save this convo for later).
Don’t Be Bitter
I have a huge chip on my shoulder because people have said some horrible things to me, straight to my face *(I should have hit them). I refuse to be bitter though, people’s opinions are none of business and when you move on from people do so without any grudges. I don’t want to be a bitter baby mama, a bitter friend, a bitter church member, a bitter coworker, and the list goes on.
*don't hit people.
Student Loans are a scam but please still go to college
I have talked to too many ignorant people in my lifetime. You learn critical thinking skills in college and in life experiences. Talking to people that have no real-life experiences or college experience brings literal pain to my body. I know brilliant people that never step foot on a college campus because they READ. If you’re not going to further your education, please read some books. Also, I know what people say; you can go to college and still not land a job. My ancestors fought tooth and nail for me to have this right. I couldn’t let them down; I got all the Degrees.
Marriage doesn’t have to be a goal in your 20’s
I was not taught to be a wife. I was raised by two women and both of them never had that talk with me. I learned domestic duties but only to take care of myself. My Mother never got married and my Grandmother has experienced being a single Mother and a wife. I used to feel like I was set up for failure out here. Comparing my peers to myself, it seemed like most of my peers were chasing a Husband. Also, my peers Mother's were literally teaching them how to be a wife one day. Meanwhile I was chasing success and that's it. However, I'm glad they raised me in this way because as long as I can take care of myself and my household that sets me up to be a good partner. It wasn’t until I was 28 that I really thought hard about marriage. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife it's actually admirable it some sense because now I have peers I can learn from. I thought I was behind because I was not married yet but I’m right on time because now whoever that blessed man is that will be my Husband will be getting a woman that is whole. Selfish but whole, maybe whole-ish.
Self-love is being honest first
I had to have some very hard talks with myself. I had to look in the mirror and cry in utter disgust with who I was. I used to be very self-critical, but I learned to give myself grace. I am honest with myself and I recognize all my flaws. However, I am still dope. Between Jesus and therapy, I’m on my way to perfection.
Your friends need to be confident too
I have lost several friends simply because I was confident, and they weren’t. That may sound rude, but it is brutal honesty. People that were my friends consistently belittled my goals and accomplishments, but I knew they were just projecting their insecurities, so I let it go. When someone is not happy with themselves and you talk about your accomplishments it sounds like you’re bragging. It breaks my heart because I am the type of person that loves to lift people up. If I’m in a winning season, then doggonit we are all going to win! If this wasn't consistently happening in my life, I could brush it off but nah if you want to be friends with Shaniqua Laniece Blossomgame you better be working on loving yourself and you better be ready to win because I don’t let anyone in my bubble be mediocre.
There is only one me so I want to be who I am all the time. I have watched people around me try so hard to fit in. I realized at a very young age that I was an eccentric person and if I could figure out how to be a Missionary with blue hair I would but I'm sure somebody would sit me down. I sometimes have tone down my personality to make others feel comfortable but my toning down resulted in me becoming completely silent. That's not how I want to live. I think different, I'm honest, I say what the room is thinking, and I'm not afraid of confrontation so maybe I should work on playing nice with others. That's not all of who I am but those are my personality traits that most people don't agree with. I don't plan on changing so I live my life in spaces that allow me to be my best self and I avoid spaces that make me feel indifferent.